Here’s a third rule (and the last rule I will
give you): Live your life with the end in mind.
I used to teach a parenting class. The courts
mandated it for kids and parents who had somehow found themselves in trouble.
We separated the kids from the parents in the first part of the class and had
each group complete an exercise. We asked the kids to imagine that their
parents had died today and it was up to them to deliver the eulogy.
And then, you guessed it, we had the parents
write their OWN eulogy. We collected the papers and put them away until the end
of the eight-hour class. There were lectures and films and other exercises but
we reserved some time for the conclusion where we would bring them together and
go over the eulogies.
When they returned to the room they noticed
boxes of Kleenexes on every other desk. They weren’t exactly sure what they were
for but we knew. Soon there wouldn't be a dry eye in the room. It was always a
powerful moment when each one got up and read their eulogies because until that
point neither side had ever expressed these things before.
A typical mother’s eulogy for herself went
something like this:
Here lies __________. She always did what she
thought was best for her family because she loved them so much and all she ever
wanted was for them to have the best and grow up to be happy and good people.
A typical father’s eulogy would be:
Here lies ______. He worked hard, maybe
sometimes too much, but all he ever wanted was to provide for his family and
make sure they had all that they ever needed to survive.
The kids would almost always touch on how they
wished their parents had listened more or hadn't worked as much.
You see, each side had different priorities
and what one side thought was important was not quite as high on the other’s
list.
I used this exercise many times with friends
or family who found themselves doubting what they were doing with their lives.
I told them to sit down and write their own eulogy. Try it. And if you are
really bold get one of your parents or your best friend to write it for you. I
know it sounds morbid and perhaps it is, but it works. And if you are honest
and look at that eulogy and don’t like what you see then make some changes . .
. now!
We all get a kick out of watching Ebenezer
Scrooge look back on his unfulfilling life of greed during Christmas, but what
if the tables were turned? What if your funeral was today? What would it look
like?
How many people do you think would attend? Who
will get up and speak about your time on this earth? What will they say?
"Here lies . . .
He was my dad, she was my mom. He was my
husband, brother, grandpa. She was my wife, my cousin, my friend."
Now
it’s time to write the rest - not with your pen, but with your actions and your
deeds... for the rest of your life!
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