by Hero Jenkins
So when it comes to discipline, what are the options?
When our kids were young our battles were over simple stuff - like the merits of eating vegetables and the importance of nap time. As they grew older the battles became more complex, covering serious issues like: why they can’t hang out at Billy’s house. I've already told you about Billy. He’s the kid that gets into so much trouble he gets blamed for everything… even stuff he didn’t do.
I am from the "old school"... a product of an era when parents believed in spanking... but in this new enlightened age, spanking is not an option.
So when it comes to discipline, what are the options?
I have some experience in public speaking which means I can talk for a long, long, looooong time. Instead of being spanked, my kids would have to sit through marathon lectures. They were young and sitting still drove them nuts. You see, a spanking only had to be endured for a few moments and then it was over. As it turns out, if they'd actually been given a choice, they would have opted for a spanking. I know this because they told me... more than once! They'd put their little heads in their little hands and groan: “Oh my God dad, why don’t you just beat us like the other parents and get it over with?” I knew I was on the right track.
Alas, this tactic gradually lost its effectiveness as they got older.
My boys were extremely devious. Upon entering middle school they became a real challenge and I was forced to get creative. Here’s an example: We would divide up the household chores and everyone had a job to do. My sons were responsible for cutting the lawn once a week, but I noticed the lawnmower seemed to conveniently break down whenever it was time for them to cut the grass. They swore they didn’t do it but the repairman eventually determined that someone had been pouring water into the gas tank! I couldn't afford to buy a new lawnmower every week so I had to come up with something.
My solution?
I informed my children that I was hiring a gardener. They didn’t attempt to hide their glee… they jumped for joy! Thereafter, once a month, the gardener came like clockwork and everyone was happy - until they learned where the money to pay the gardener was coming from.
I had a habit of setting money aside each month to buy Christmas presents, birthday gifts, and random treats like pizza or outings to McDonald's. Therefore, paying the gardener meant they would have less of one of these things and they got to decide which. Their joy turned to despair as they agonized over the impossible choices.
Nevertheless, they learned a lesson... and I learned a new tactic.
My biggest battle, however, was looming just over the horizon and it would test my new methods to the limit. It would come at the hands of my greatest challenge, my middle child. My wife has always said that if our middle child had been our first child we would have only had ONE child. However, God obviously wanted us to have more than one so in his infinite wisdom he saved the strong willed child for later.
Our first-born had been a breeze and we marveled at our own magnificence. We smugly looked down our noses at other parents as they struggled to deal with their problem children. We were not having any problems, so obviously we were awesome parents and they were not. We couldn’t wait to have another. Little did we know, everything would change. Suddenly we were the ones having problems. Everything became a battle. What was once simple turned into a struggle.
I will now share with you something that took me years to understand. Our children came from us... so the solution as to how to deal with them lay with us. What I'm saying is that our children’s behavior to some extent was genetic. We had to remember what a younger version of either of us was like at that age. I had to think back to when I was a kid... what would have worked? If after deep and honest reflection you come up with nothing, then you should look elsewhere in the family tree. It is entirely possible that your child is behaving like one of your siblings or your spouse’s sibling. Still, there's no denying it, most of their behavior has come from somewhere within your family trees.
As it turned out, my son was somewhat of a hybrid of one of my brothers and one of my wife’s brothers - and just like that we knew exactly what to do!
That's all for now. In future blogs I'll tell you how we dealt with such issues as homemade flame throwers in the garage and other stories that will curl your hair... so stay tuned.
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